Another “Heard on the Radio” inquiry . . .

The woman said “It’s all about Love, remember that.”

I heard the word as L-o-v-e. That’s what tuning into a conversation in the middle will do. You think you know what’s going on but you are not on the same page let alone in the same chapter or even the same book.

Listening from the perspective of L-O-V-E, what she was saying was confusing. What did Listening have to do with Love? Could just listening help with Love, I wondered.

As the conversation went on I realized my assumption was wrong. They were discussing  LUV, an acronym.

Listen

Understand

Validate

The discussion continued with how to use LUV in your everyday life. With co-workers the technique fosters team building and trust. With family members, bonding, trust and closeness deepens.

Listen.

Pay attention to what is being said. Don’t just ‘hear’ the words. Often we are hearing what is being said just so that we can respond, have an opinion or sit in judgement. Real Listening takes practice, patience and a quieting of your thoughts.

Put down your phone, better yet, turn it off or at least silence it. Look them in the eye. Show them that you are there to listen and hear them.

Understand.

If you don’t recognize a word that is being used, ask.  If you are not ‘getting it’, ask. Do you need clarification about something, ask. Put some effort into comprehending and grasping the situation.

Try not to assume.  Assumptions and expectations get us in trouble all the time. Don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t know or don’t understand.

Validate.

Acknowledge and endorse the conversation. Validate what you can from the speaker’s point of view. Confirm your position and consider how to come to an agreement if your views differ.

Nod to show that you understand. A gentle touch on a hand or arm is also affirming. Repeat back something that resonates with you.

As I pondered LUV, it hit me. It’s true. We often don’t really listen to others. We are just waiting for our turn to jump in with our own thoughts and opinions even if they are not related to the conversation at hand. We just want to hear ourselves talk.

Sometimes I don’t understand what is being said or what might be going on. Embarrassment about not ‘knowing’ keeps me silent. That is when communication can get fouled up. Going forward, I intend to ask for clarification when I don’t ‘get it.’

We all want validation and acknowledgment. To have someone say ‘Yes, you are right, or I see what you mean.’ is sometimes all that we need. Also, ‘Have you considered . . .’ is another one that can keep the conversation and communication open and non threatening.

I put some post-it or sticky notes in a few key places. (My computer, the dash of my car and a virtual one on my phone) that say LUV. I’m going to LUV everyone to pieces going forward.

Does anyone else want to give it a try?