Inquiry # 357 CRUSH and the over 50 crowd

While speaking with a few girlfriends in the last week (at separate times) a phrase and word came up in conversation that took me back to my teenage years. Hmmm, I’m wondering about the usage by these women of a ‘certain age’, let’s just say that they are North of 50.

My first exposure to the word “Crush” came while talking about my friend’s recent date. She said

“I think I have a crush on him.”

My mind kind of went blank for a moment as I thought, “Did she just say she has a crush on someone?”

I looked around to make sure I wasn’t in a time warp and back in high school sitting in the quad watching the cute boys walk by. I remember worrying if HE would notice my new outfit, or if Julie’s guy would look her way. Suddenly, I was brought back to the conversation by her next comment.

“He really is quite handsome, for his age. He is new in town, he bought a house AND his children DON’T LIVE WITH HIM.”

I’m thinking, interesting, she only had to add that he has all of his own teeth and can drive his own car to make him sound even more attractive. I don’t know if she got all of his financial details while she was ‘crushing’ on him but things could get interesting. I look forward to meeting  this ‘handsome for his age gentleman.

I recall sitting around in High School with my girlfriends discussing the various boys in school and who thought this guy was THE ONE or if that one would ASK them to Home coming, Prom or just plain out on a date. Giggling when the guy you thought was cute kind of looked your way. You would shyly smile and hope that he would come over and talk. Ahhh, those subtle hints that you were interested in each other, the innocence of youth.  It was fun and expected at that age. You know, so called ‘puppy love’ etc. Not sure how many of those ‘crushes’ stood the test of time but it was still a time of chasteness and dreams.

The second exposure to the word came a few days later and from a different friend. We met for lunch and over lunch she began to talk about her wonderful date the night before.

“Do you remember Sam?” she asked.

“Yes” I replied.

“Well, we’re dating!” she virtually shouted with a BIG smile on her face.  “You know, I’ve had a MAJOR CRUSH on him for ages!!!”

BAM, just like that, I’m right back there in that quad again. Checking out the football team and jocks on their bench and the cool guys just hanging in their area. Twice in one week! Who knew?

What could I say to that other than “That’s wonderful, I’m happy for you?”

She went on; “Oh, we had such a lovely dinner downtown. We just walked and talked and talked. I had such a wonderful time. He is heading back to New York for the summer but he is going to come back for a visit at some point. Isn’t it exciting?” she sighed.

“Wow, that’s great” I said. I almost asked if he drove himself, if he owns his own home and if his children live with him, etc. but stopped myself in time. This was a different conversation and since I’ve actually met this gentleman, I already know he has his own teeth.

We proceeded to have a nice lunch and chat. After we parted ways I started thinking about my two friends and their CRUSHES.

I was a bit taken aback by one’s usage of ‘Major Crush’.  Really? Major and Crush in the same sentence. What other word or phrase am I more comfortable with if Crush seems to assail my senses?

Infatuated?

Admire?

Attracted?

Hankering even.

I’ve started asking girlfriends of various ages what they think of the word CRUSH or Major Crush if used by someone North of 50.

Those under 40 think it is adorable and sweet and like it that the women seem as if they are teenagers again.

“Oh, that is so cute! I wish my mom would get a life and find a crush” one said.

“My mother has actually used that word. Nothing came of her crush but she did tell me she had one” another told me.

“You know, it’s been said that the music you listen to and vocabulary that you use between  the ages of 13-17 is what will influence the rest of your life?  I read that somewhere. Crush was probably a word they used at that age. You may want to research that” another friend explained.

“Ha Ha Ha, I know you can’t tell me who said that but that is really funny. What are we back in high school?” this from someone over 50.

“I haven’t heard that word in years. I don’t even know if I would recognize a ‘crush’ if it came up, smacked me in the face and said Hi there, I think you’re cute” said another over 60 gal.

“Can you even have a crush when you’re that old? I mean you and your friends are OLD. That is just weird” a young adult (19-20) who was sitting near whispered to me.

BAM back in High school again sitting in that quad! Jeanette telling me that Tom was never going to ask me out . . .

“Cause you’re just too weird. Guys just don’t like it when you’re funny or smart. You gotta play dumb and just look cute. After you are dating for a few weeks, then you can be a little funny and a little smart. You don’t want to scare him off too soon. He’ll tell all the other guys and then you’ll never get to go to PROM!”

Oh, the sage advice of youth.

So, all things considered, maybe some women will have crushes all their lives. Searching and hoping to recapture that feeling from their adolescence.  Others may only have them in their youth and as they grow into maturity believe it to be in the past and never to be experienced again. It is something to consider.

Just for the record, I did go to prom AND I did the ASKING, take that BOYS!